Happiness is not really an option…at least not right now. The only thing on my mind is trying to survive this hell. Everything is crashing down. My demons are screaming louder trying to eat away at the rest of me. It’s so tiring trying to fight back. I can think of a hundred ways to die and a hundred ways to do it. I can’t think of a hundred ways to live, or a hundred ways to do it. I lock myself away just to try to forget about it. Lonely, worthless, not good enough, stupid, fat, ugly, and useless all repeat in my mind reminding me just how bad of a person I am. I’m suffocated with self-hatred. If others could read my mind, they’d be in tears. I want to be a dreamer again. I want to be at peace. I’m doing everything I can and sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. I pray every night to give me the strength to mend my soul. I pray that others don’t give up on me because they’re the reason I’m fighting to stay alive. I’ll fight like hell to make them proud of me. I want someone to be proud of me for once. I am proud of myself for even getting this far. I can only continue to smile and look pretty in hopes that things will get better. Some of the most beautiful angels arise out of the darkest pits of hell and I want to be one.